FUTURE

So....it's Xmas time,it's just me and Ace this year,i've never been alone during the holidays before,its weird....Joe is in NM,i have no other friends here,so hopefully it goes by quick so I can get closer to spring,im planning to move to CA,ive had enough of Seattle,its been almost 4 years that ive been here,it's time to go,i miss my friends and family that are there.....I don't hate it here,it's just not what I want anymore,hopefully things go well in moving,i want to have a happy future,im sick of being just "ok" I'm afraid of having another relationship but I would like to have a boyfriend that I can be with for the rest of my life,prolly a fantasy but it would be nice.

ALONE

So i moved to a new place,Olive Tower....I like it alot,me and Joe were neighbors for 2 seconds until he moved in with Kevin,I've been here for 5 mos already,I can't believe this year is almost over,its also been a year since I met Albert,timehop  reminds me every day. Joe and Kevin took Gizzy and moved to New Mexico,where Kevin is from,they'll be back here and there but it's not the same as him just being across town,so that means I'm alone, just me and Ace....I went through a depression for awhile because of Albert,how much I missed him and regretted letting him go,I'm better now,I don't really miss him much anymore, I also realized he isn't as wonderful as I used to think either,so I'm over all that.I hate feeling alone like this but for the first time in my life I truly am,I met a guy named Abe we talked for a long time and had ups and downs,though we never met in person,finally we did meet and it was a disaster, so that was a bust.I started talking to Chris, it's very early but I'm taking it slow,I don't want to repeat my past mistakes of rushing into anything, Joe told me I deserve to be happy after having such a rough year,he's right, I do....I just hope someone comes along so I'm not alone forever. 

FRESH

So....Albert is gone, he went back to LA, I convinced him it was the best thing to do for himself, I originally did it because it was the only way to get him to leave, then I realized I didn't want him to go but he realized how much he didn't wanna be with me, regardless of how much he loved me, he'd rather go back to a place he hates than stay here and try to figure things out, it's fine...I guess I'm not the easiest person to deal with, true there was a huge age gap but we seemed to be good for awhile, he was the only guy that wanted to be with me since Joe, and that was pretty much like 5 years, in between. ....anyway, we're over, he's home, I'm alone...again, I'm hoping to move to a cheaper apt, I'll be taking Gizzy, so I'll have both girls to handle, alone.I never thought I'd have a chance with anyone, then Albert came into my life and fixed that but now he's gone and I didn't think I'd be alone again, but I am.I don't have any desire to be with anyone again....for now, maybe ever, who knows,for now though, I just wanna focus on me and the girls and try to accept myself and be truly happy....hopefully I can.

LIFE 2

So,its been a little while.......Albert and me are still together,in fact i asked him to marry me on Christmas day,he said yes!......i'm currently planning the wedding,though we have been fighting here and there,im stressed about $ (big surprise)im not working at the club anymore,neither is Albert,that's one of our issues,he's not working......i hate fighting but im starting to feel like he's becoming too bossy and im starting to lose myself,i have given him so much and sometimes i feel like it's not enough,like he wants more.I let him redecorate the bathroom,i took down alot of my WW stuff,which for me is saying alot,i just hope its not another situation like with Joe and the house,Joe is going strong with Kevin,they are at Disneyworld (must be nice)......im not jealous because his boyfriend has $,im just upset cuz he kinda rubs it in my face how much Kevin does for him......as if i NEVER did anything for him (i only paid rent by myself for 2 years and bought all the food and gave him $ if he needed it,etc)but i feel like he's bragging about Kevin,whatevs......after all the sacrifices and things ive done for him and others,i feel like i should get something in return,im not totally selfish but i'd like the universe to pay me back a bit,i really don't think it's too much to ask for.